Who I Want to Be
by AbbyBassx3
Summary: What if Chuck never said I love you, and Blair went off to spend her summer at her dad's chateau with an unexpected girl named Mel? Can Blair find out who she truly is before college, and can this stranger help Blair along the way? Review Please!
1. Life is not a Fairytale

Chapter 1

It has been a week since the whole graduation-gossip girl situation and all I can think about is how completely screwed up my life is. I'm going to a public university which looks like Dan Humphrey threw up on it. The man that I spent the better part of the last two years completely and hopelessly in love with told me that everything was for nothing and that he could never love me after I slept with his uncle. Oh, and how about the fact that there is still a crazy lady out there that most likely has a death threat against me. Seriously. If someone could make a TV show about my life, it would be more complicated and messed up than Lost.

So, now, as I'm walking home from saying goodbye to Serena and the crowning of Jenny, I decide to read about gossip girl's little game of Where's Waldo? over Chuck's latest European adventure. It turns out that he's been everywhere from Paris to Germany while I've been at home moping and eating the Godiva Gold Collection like it's about to go out of style.

After a few blocks, I spot a limo sitting on the curb and immediately think of one of my favorite fairytale endings where Chuck is leaning against the side of the limo with different colorful boxes in hand each filled with one of my favorite things from all of the destinations of his escape. But of course, fairy tales don't exist. At least, not for Blair Waldorf they don't. Fate clearly demonstrated that through Nate, Marcus, and even Chuck. So, as I walk alone through the busy Manhattan streets, I decide that maybe it's not the best place to think of things that would end up making me cry.

So, instead, I start putting out the clothes that I need to start packing for my flight tomorrow to visit daddy. I'll have to send Dorota out on a few last minute errands at Bendels to make sure everything will be perfect for my arrival at daddy's chateau. He's still upset or better yet "disappointed" in me over the Miss Carr thing, but when Eleanor and Cyrus told him I had no plans for the summer, he and Roman felt obligated to invite me to stay until August and of course, I had to say yes.

I finish calculating the amount of La Perlas I will have to pack and how I'm going to fit all of my shoes into my Louis Vuitton trunk when the elevator to my penthouse opens.

"Blair, darling, is that you?" Eleanor yells from the living room.

"Of course mother. Who else would it be?" I answer sarcastically, which my mom responds to with a loud and clearly distasteful humph.

"Oh!! Eleanor, get her to come here quick!"

Cyrus walks out of the kitchen with a tray of tiny finger sandwiches.

"Blair, darling, would you mind coming into the living room for a second?" my mother quickly retorts.

"Sure," I say, a little bit annoyed and wanting just to be left alone so that I could go to my room and watch Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I walk into the room with my head down staring at my phone. Serena sent me a text announcing her final departure from New York, so it takes me by surprise when I look up to see a very tiny, brunette girl, who looks like she just stepped out of a Hollister magazine sitting in the corner of the room.

"Blair, I would love to introduce you to my niece, Melissa, from Chicago," Cyrus announces as he sees the shock on my face.

"Um…hi! Um…everyone just calls me Mel. Only my grandmother calls me Melissa because she refuses to call me anything besides the name on my birth certificate, but I like Mel because it's much shorter and…" the tiny girl says quickly without stuttering.

"It's very nice to meet you," I say, interrupting her and giving Cyrus and my mother a death glare at the same time.

"Blair, Melissa is a year younger than you," responds Eleanor.

"Well, how sweet," I say so coldly that I see the tiny girl's eyes freeze.

The huge smirk growing across her lips makes me think of someone that I had to immediately throw out of my brain.

"Now, if you'll excuse me…" I add as I begin to walk out of the room.

"Yup! She truly is! I was talking to her mother the other day and she was saying how poor Mel had nothing to do all summer just like you, so I came up with the greatest plan for Mel to come to New York and then join you on your little trip to France," Cyrus says with a huge grin, which makes my mother also plaster on a goofy grin.

I freeze in my place right by my staircase unable to move for about ten seconds until I practically yell, "You're kidding, right? I'm not spending a ten hour flight with her let alone staying in France for the next two and a half months with someone I don't even know. This was supposed to be my time to truly find myself before college and you're making me spend it with a little kid who can't tell the difference between Hermes and Coach."

"Actually, Coach has those tiny Cs on them and I'm only a year younger than you," Mel adds with a smile.

"Well, daddy would never allow a stranger into his house," I say as I give Mel the coldest stare I could muster without dying from the sight of all of her Hollister clothes.

"Actually, I talked to Harold today and he's very excited to met Melissa, especially if she's anything like Cyrus," responds Eleanor.

With the final comment, it was clear that the present conversation was over, which killed me because it seems that within the last five minutes, my life has just become so much worse than it was before and I had absolutely no idea how. Also, how am I supposed to spend the next sixty plus days with a girl like her? I mean, the girl is super skinny, but not anorexic. I try not be completely jealous of her because she is obviously muscular. However, she dresses almost as bad as that Brooklyn trash. Hmmm…I think it could give me a little entertainment if I were to give her an extreme makeover. However, I'm still not enjoying the thought of being near her in the chateau with Daddy around because he would notice all of my schemes to find the best way to send the little girl back to America. But as I walk up the staircase to my room and see a huge grin creep across Mel's face, I have a feeling this was going to be one interesting adventure. I just couldn't picture it yet.

_Cause i dont know who i am, who i am without you  
All i know is that i should  
~Missy Higgins_

Hey guys thanks so much for reading my first ever fanfiction, and special thanks to my beta enuciiate who through her amazing writing inspired be to try it out. Once again thanks, and don't worry Chair is a fate that can not be advoided.


	2. And Away We Go

Author's Note: Despite all my hopes and dreams I do not own Gossip Girl or any of these character (except for Mel, she's all mine lol), because if it was half of the second season wouldn't have happened. Enjoy and Please Review!

4:30 am

Hello UES! Sorry for the early morning wakeup call, but as you know, my gossip can't wait. It looks like C has moved on rather quickly after a lovers' quarrel with our favorite ex-Queen B and it looks like a little blonde from Germany is helping him do it with her tongue down his throat. Don't believe me? Don't worry. I have the pictures to prove it. Poor B! It looks like her and love just weren't meant to be.

You know you love me,

XOXO gossip girl

Have you ever had the feeling of complete and utter dread? Where nothing around you feels real? After seeing this text, I felt like the ground was being pulled out right from under me. Everything I've ever believed in and everything I've ever hoped for was shattered by a single text message. Screw gossip girl and most of all, screw that Basshole! But instead of being able to go back to sleep, I continued to toss and turn, thinking of everything that had happened in the past year: Marcus, Bart, Ms. Carr, Nate, Vanessa, and even Jack. Suddenly, I felt the need to secretly runaway right now without anyone knowing, but in the end, I knew I couldn't do it. I hated to admit it, but I could never survive on my own.

So, instead, I silently tip-toed to my kitchen, hoping that Dorota wouldn't hear me. That's when I saw it – a huge, chocolate cake in the middle of the counter sitting there on a pedestal. I quietly grabbed the biggest fork that I could find and walked over to the cake.

I took the first bite and refused to stop after that. Each bite was for a different reason. There was one for Yale, Jack, Nate, Serena, my dad, Eleanor, and yes, even one for Cyrus. I didn't notice that I had started crying until I had eaten every last bite of that cake. The horrible image that remained in my mind as I finished the entire cake was filled with those piercing brown eyes that always found a way to wound me without actually being present.

Once I finally calmed down and the tears refused to fall, I cleaned up the mess that I made and went back to my room. I slowly entered the bathroom where I preceded to do what I had done a thousand times before. I turned on the faucet of my tub and performed my ritual over the white ceramic bowl as I emptied the contents of my stomach. For the next twenty minutes, which seemed like an eternity, I sat listening to the pattering of water against my tub. I slowly removed my robe and slip and entered the waters.

By the time eight o'clock came, I was completely dressed. My hair was perfect as always and my luggage was packed. I had checked it over four times. I walked down the stairs gripping the banister with my life. I entered the dining room to see my mother and Cyrus already sitting there. They were still in their pajamas.

"Well, Blair, you seem to be up early for once," Eleanor announced as I sat in my usual seat.

Dorota had already laid out my usual fruit and yogurt.

"Yes, well, I couldn't sleep," I quietly responded.

"Ah!! So, it was the shower I heard this morning. At first, I thought there was a hurricane outside!" Cyrus laughed.

We sat there for a few awkward moments until the elevator binged. This sound was followed by a few loud thuds of someone walking and music was blasting in the background as well.

"Mel, is that you?" yelled Cyrus.

A sweaty Mel walked by the dinning room without even hearing him.

"Melissa!!!" he yelled again.

She turned around then, stunned that everyone was sitting in the dining room staring at her.

"Oh, um…good morning everyone!" Mel responded with a huge grin on her face.

"Ew! What could you be doing so early in the morning that made you that sweaty and gross?" I asked in contempt.

"Haha!" Mel laughed sincerely. "I'm a distance runner, so I went out on a six mile run. I didn't think that anyone would be up this early or I'm just not as fast a runner as I thought. There are less morning people in Chicago than New York, but you should keep it up. It's very relaxing."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that…when I'm dead," I spat.

"Okay…well, I'm going to go take a shower and get dressed so we're not late for our flight," Mel said with a smirk to which I responded with a humph.

After Mel had safely left the room, my mother chastised me for my behavior.

"Really Blair! Must you treat Mel like that? She's a very nice and polite young girl who looks up to you as a role model! Unfortunately, she acts more mature than you. Now finish your breakfast and make sure your luggage is ready."

Ten minutes later, I was standing in the corridor next to the elevator with my trunks in tow as Mel started to roll her huge, hot pink Delsey luggage next to mine. However, it wasn't her luggage that had me speechless.

"What do you think you're wearing?" I practically yelled at the poor girl.

However, once again, Mel wasn't even fazed by my attitude and total disdain for her.

She responded simply, "I'm pretty sure they're called Bermuda shorts."

"No, not the shorts you idiot!" I responded. "Your shirt! What is that? Oh God. Follow me," I said, leading Mel upstairs to my closet.

Then, I started to dig through some of my old clothes that were now too tight for me seeing as I never seem to lose weight – only gain it. I quickly tossed Mel an old Marc Jacobs Tossed Triangles Jersey Top and found an old pair of Stuart Wietzman Fez Espadrilles.

"You are extremely lucky for two reasons. One, you're wearing khaki and two, we wear about the same shoe size," I said, handing her the new outfit.

"I'm not wearing that. The shirt maybe, but why would I wear those shoes on a plane? I mean, can you even walk right in those heels?" Mel said, pointing at my outfit.

I looked down at my embroidered linen dress by Laundry and my black Grant satin silk peep toe heels. The dress hasn't even been released yet!

"First off, these aren't heels. They're Jimmy Choo and you need to wear something that I could be seen with you in."

"Why? Are you scared what Gossip Girl might say?" Mel responded with a smirk.

I turned, stunned, and said, "How do you know about Gossip Girl?"

"Dorota."

"Have you read any of what she blogs?" I pushed for more details.

"No, but if you ask me, she sounds pretty pathetic. She's like a creepy stalker," Mel said as she changed into the outfit I had picked out for her.

Once she was done tying the shoes, she turned and asked, "How do I look? Silly? Because I feel silly."

"No, you look great. Much better than before, but what are you doing with your hair?" I questioned, staring at the simple ponytail that she had put her still wet hair into.

"I'm not changing my hair," she responded quickly.

"Fine. Then here," I said as I handed her a simple, gold metal cord headband by Eugenia Kim.

As Mel was placing the headband into place, she was interrupted by Eleanor.

"Girls! It's time to go!"

Mel sprinted out of the room quicker than I would have ever imagined. After Mel was gone, I took a second to look back at my room and say a silent goodbye because that was the type of person I was. I never left without goodbyes because I needed closure more than anything.

I stepped out side into the hot New York air and entered the limo before me. Even though it didn't have that distinguishing smell, it still reminded me of him.

As I sat down and the driver closed the door, Mel turned to me and said sarcastically, "Are you ready for the best summer of you life?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I answered.

_Cause i dont know who i am, who i am without you  
All i know is that i should  
~Missy Higgins_

Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading my first ever fanfiction, and special thanks to my beta enuciiate who through her amazing writing inspired me to try it out. Once again thanks, and don't worry Chair is a fate that can not be advoided. And sorry that it took so long for the second chapter. I rewrote it three times!

Next Chapter: Hello France!


	3. The White Flag

Author's Note: Despite all my hopes and dreams I do not own Gossip Girl or any of these character (except for Mel, she's all mine lol), because if it was half of the second season wouldn't have happened. Enjoy and Please Review!

"Wow! This is where your dad lives?" Mel said, interrupting me from my daydream.

I turned around and slowly nodded my head. It was almost three in the afternoon as our limo neared the front door of my dad's chateau. The flight had been long, but ultimately uneventful. I mostly flipped through a few magazines and took a nap, while Mel blasted her IPod and slept.

As the limo came to a stop, the front door to the chateau opened revealing both my father and Roman. I was the first to get out of the limo and I did so with caution seeing as I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I thanked the driver as he helped Mel and I out of the limo and then went to retrieve our luggage from the trunk.

"Blair Bear," my father greeted me as I went over to give him a hug.

Then, Harold shook Mel's hand and said, "And you must be the lovely Melissa whom I've heard so many things about."

"You can call me Mel and it's so nice to meet you Mr. Waldorf," Mel responded, grinning ear to ear. "Your house is beautiful."

My father laughed and said, "Come! Let me show you to your rooms while Roman and the driver take care of the bags."

I slowly walked to my own room without paying the slightest bit of attention to what my father and Mel were talking about. I sat down on the bed that was in the middle of my room and all the painful memories of last summer started to resurface, but at this moment, I would do anything to trade this summer in for the last because even then, I felt like there was a small chance that Chuck may have still loved me. However, now, I felt absolutely nothing.

"Hey Blair, your dad said that dinner is in a few minutes," Mel said interrupting my thoughts.

"Okay," I responded. "I'll go freshen up and I'll be right down."

"Alright," Mel answered. "Hey. Wait. Do you mind if I borrow your phone to call my mom? Mine died like an hour ago."

"Yeah, whatever. It's in my purse," I said as I quickly closed the door to my private bathroom.

Mel silently grabbed my phone and texted Gossip Girl's number into her own phone, slipping out of the room and leaving my cell phone on the bed.

Dinner was long and exhausting. Only a few questions were asked of me like about graduation and prom even though both my father and Roman had seen enough pictures of them to last a life time. Despite the lack of attention on me, all I really had to do was fake a few smiles because the entire dinner was focused on my two dads getting to know Mel, who seemed to be basking in the attention. She told them about her home, where she goes to school, her one dog, and even her running abilities, which seemed to impress my father to no end, especially her service activities. When the main course was over, I quietly excused myself from dessert.

Once again I sat down on my bed and looked down at where Mel had left my phone. I picked it up to see that I had a new text. Unfortunately, it was from Gossip Girl.

Hello all UES!

It looks like our tales from Europe have come to an end with the arrival of C at the JFK airport, but he isn't flying solo. It looks like he has brought another hot piece of luggage home with him and let's just say she's blonde, tall, beautiful, and the girl from the last Bass update. Here's a pic of the newest UES couple holding hands and cuddling after their long plane ride. It looks like the Bass really does do relationships. Speaking of relationships, we can't seem to find our ex-Queen B anywhere, but if I had to guess, she's probably trying to stay low after her latest heartbreak.

XOXO

Gossip Girl

Unfortunately, this time, I couldn't stop the tears. I wanted to hit something, but instead, I picked the next best thing and threw my phone against the wall, watching as the back cover flew off. However, my frustrations didn't settle. So, I stormed into my bathroom, slammed the door behind me, and quickly turned on the shower head on full blast. I knelt in front of toilet and this time, I didn't hesitate. I emptied the contents of my stomach until nothing was left. Tears were still streaming down my face as I tried to stand up, which was a bad idea because as soon as I tried, I fell down completely on my face. So, I just sat on the ground for while trying to get the lightheaded feeling to go away until I heard someone and froze.

"Blair?" I heard Mel yell into my empty room.

Then, I heard a few foot steps until Mel questioned again ,"Blair are you oka…..?"

She stopped midsentence as she opened the door to the bathroom revealing me on the floor gripping the side of the bathtub.

"Oh my God! Blair, are you okay? What happened? I heard a huge thud and came in to see if you were okay?" Mel said frantically.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't feel well," I answered a little bit annoyed.

"Did you throw up? You were fine all day throughout the plane ride and dinner? Wait, are you pregnant?" Mel questioned further.

"What the hell? No, I'm not pregnant! God!" I practically yelled. "Where are my dads?"

"They went out on a walk, but hold on. If you're not pregnant and you were fine before, what's…….Oh my God! Blair! You didn't?" Mel said, getting into hysterics.

"I didn't what?" I said, getting in her face.

"You didn't make yourself throw up did you?" Mel examined me.

"No, I didn't," I responded just a little to quick.

"Blair! You did! Oh my God! Come on! Let me help you get to bed," Mel said.

"Didn't you just hear me? I said I didn't make myself sick and don't touch me!" I yelled as I pulled my arm away from her.

Before I fell down again, I felt Mel grab both my arm and waist.

"First off, I don't care if you don't want my help because you're still going to get it because we're practically related and I have to live with you for the next two months. Secondly, if you didn't make yourself sick, then why are you crying?" Mel retorted as she helped me lay down on my bed.

After that, I don't really remember much. I especially don't remember Mel helping me change into my pajamas or when I even fell a sleep. However, I do remember the smell that welcomed me when I woke up the next morning.

I sat up just a little too quickly and bright spots took over my vision for a few seconds, but when I could see straight again, I saw the most delicious looking breakfast in front of me. There was fruit, yogurt, orange juice, some eggs, and bacon. Then, something on the other side of the bed caught my eye. It was almost the same exact outfit that I had seen a sweaty Mel in yesterday morning with the gym shoes to match it.

"Oh, I see you're awake finally," Mel said, sitting in the sofa seat on the opposite side of the room dressed in workout clothes galore.

"What happened last night?" I asked.

"I think I should be asking you the same question, but don't worry. Just eat up and get dressed in what I laid out," Mel responded quickly with a smirk on her face.

"I am not wearing that," I answered quickly.

"You're lucky for two reasons. First off, I have new, never been worn before running clothes and we're about the same shoe size," Mel said grinning.

"Ew! I am not wearing you nasty running shoes," I said with disgust.

"Like I would ever let you wear my running shoes. Those are a pair that I've never worn before, so they're all yours," Mel responded as I looked at her completely surprised by her boldness.

"I'm not running or doing anything with you and plus, it's only seven," I said, looking at the clock.

"I know. You've made me an hour late already and I'm telling you right now you are running with me. After what I saw and read last night, you are coming with me because I'm not going to sit here and watch Blair Waldorf rot away as Chuck Bass catches more STDs."

I tried, but failed at interrupting her.

"If you're so worried about you weight, then we're going to deal with it the right way, which includes exercise and eating right. No crazy diets and no making yourself sick! I hate that you're doing this because I look up to you and think you're perfect the way you are. I'm not going to sit here and let you kill yourself over some loser of a boy because if he can't love you even with your flaws, then he doesn't deserve you. Now, eat up and get dressed. Oh and I'm not leaving the room until those orders are met."

I stared for what seemed to be an eternity at Mel. I had never met someone that could actually rival me, but this tiny girl in front of me was poised, athletic, small, and confident – something I only wished to be. So, instead of trying to fight her, I gave in and started eating. This summer was only going to get more interesting if Mel continued to act more grown up than me and also the fact that she reminded of Serena only 5'2 and with brunette hair.

"Fine. I'll only do this if and only if you stop reading Gossip Girl," I said, glaring at Mel.

"With pleasure," Mel laughed.

_Ring. Ring._

"Hello," Eric answered his phone.

"Well, hello to you too little brother," Chuck said. "I was hoping we could get together and throw that welcome back party that I never got."

"Yeah well, everyone figured that you'd be too busy with that blond, German bimbo of a girlfriend," Eric retorted.

"Ouch. I'm wounded by so much hostility and that supposed girlfriend has long been thrown into the gutter. She needed a ride to spend her summer with her girlfriend who lives in New York. So, is there another real reason for all of this hatred?" Chuck answered as Eric gritted his teeth from all of Chuck's sarcasm.

"How about how you left gallivanting around the world leaving my sister's best friend to mope around feeling awful? How about that Chuck?" Eric said clearly angry.

"Oh, I'm sure the ice queen is fine and plus, I heard from an inside source that she's at her dad's chateau bonding with her step-cousin," Chuck answered.

"And let me guess your P.I. is the one who told you that?" Eric questioned.

"So, what's so wrong with using my resources?" Chuck said, getting irritated.

"Wake up Chuck! You threw Blair to the curb. Choose whether or not you love her because I'm sick of being on the Chuck and Blair merry-go-round. Either man up or let go," Eric yelled, leaving Chuck surprised and a little haunted by Eric practically quoting Nate.

"Wow, I'm sorry Eric. I never knew you felt that way about Blair," Chuck answered sarcastically.

"You know I don't, but she's like a sister to me after all those times she took care of me when my mom went off with one of her new boyfriends and you don't mess with my family," Eric retorted.

"Alright, little bro, it was sure fun talking to you. I can't wait to see you tonight for family dinner," was the last thing Chuck said as he laughed and hung up.

However, there was still an awful feeling left in Chuck's stomach as he thought about Blair and what he had done to her – not just the night of graduation, but all year. But how could he forgive her for sleeping with his disgusting uncle? He wished he could do something to make all her pain go away. He took one last look at the picture that Gossip Girl had sent out of Blair and her supposed cousin at the airport in France. She looked so sad and fragile and all he wanted to do was hug her and tell her everything would be okay, but then he remembered that it was his fault that she was hurting and instead, hit text on the Gossip Girl blasts he had received. Unfortunately, they were all of him and his escapades.

Crap, Chuck thought.

There was nothing he could do to help her now, but he knew that he was going to help her be happy again like she was at prom. So, for now, he put his cell phone away and tried to forget about Blair, but he would try to fix the mess he had created later. Even if he wouldn't admit it to her, he loved Blair and not even that blond, German bimbo or any of the other girls could change that. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

_Cause i dont know who i am, who i am without you  
All i know is that i should  
~Missy Higgins_

Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading my first ever fanfiction, and special thanks to my beta enuciiate who through her amazing writing inspired me to try it out. Once again thanks, and don't worry Chair is a fate that can not be advoided. Now go and review!

Next Chapter: Blair running! (Come on who isn't excited to see that lol).


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